When I Close My Eyes
by Fragile Entity
Summary: A Journal Entry of Fox Mulders


**Author: Stephanie/TheSporkinator  
Title: When I Close My Eyes  
Rating: G  
Summary: Journal entry of Mulders  
Disclaimers: The X Files belong to Chris Carter. I only take claim on the idea for the story. Everything else belongs to Chris Carter and 1013 productions.   
Spoilers: None  
Character Death  
  
April 22, 2002  
  
Sometimes late at night, I can feel her next to me. Breathing softly, steadily. I want to reach over and hold her, but then realize, sometimes too late that she's not really here. I close my eyes and will myself to a time when things were better. When life was not so, troubled. A time where I was free. I can think of little else now. She is my heart, she is my soul. She is my... everything. I need her. I long to be with her. I know, I'm repeating myself. Its just that I miss her so much. I open my eyes and allow my eyes to adjust to the dark room. Blinking back tears, I stand and walk to the window. The moon sheds a graceful light on the water below. After the incident, I moved to the beach. I thought it would help to be in such a calming environment. I was wrong, but I haven't the strength to move again...  
  
  
6 months earlier...  
  
"Mulder? What are you doing?" Scully stood in the doorway to the nursery.  
  
Smiling, I just looked at her "He couldn't sleep. I was just gonna sing him a song"  
  
Scully chuckled. "Poor child. You really think that will put him to sleep?"  
  
"Hey, I don't sing that bad" I protested.  
  
She laughed harder. "Give me my baby" she said, coming into the room.  
  
I handed William to her. "Okay" I said, softly.  
  
Cradling our son in her arms, she walked back to our room. "Come on, daddy" she said.  
  
I followed her. "What are you going to do?" I asked.  
  
Sitting on the bed, she just smiled. "He's going to sleep in here with us"  
  
"You're going to spoil him" I told her.  
  
"I know, but I'm his mother. It's my God-given right" she told me matter-of-factly.  
  
I nodded my head. "Yes ma'am, whatever you say."   
  
She layed William down in the center of our bed, then crawled under the covers. "Well, come on." she said patting the bed.  
  
I laughed again. "Okay, I'm coming" I crawled in on my side and kissed her on the lips gently. "I love you" I said softly.  
  
"I know" she said. "I love you, too"   
  
With a contended sigh, I watched her drift off to sleep. Arms wrapped around our son.  
  
For awhile I just layed there, watching them sleep. Moments later, I drifted off myself. My last thoughts being of how much I loved them.  
  
The next day, when I woke up Scully and William were gone. I could here rustling downstairs in the kitchen. With a yawn, I got up and got dressed.  
  
"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked when I saw Scully standing at the stove.  
  
"Making breakfast" she explained with a 'duh' look on her face.  
  
I went over and kissed the tip of her nose. "Where's William?"  
  
She pointed toward the living room. "In his swing"   
  
I walked into the living room and picked my son up. "Hey there big guy" I said to him.  
  
He just blew spit bubbles at me. I knew it was his way of saying "Good morning, daddy"   
  
Scully walked into the living room a minute later. "Okay, daddy. breakfast is ready"  
  
I looked at her crosseyed. "What do you think?" I asked her, then blew spit bubbles like my son.  
  
She laughed loudly. "I think you're both silly"  
  
Holding my son in my arms, I followed her into the kitchen. "Think William would like this stuff?" I asked, pointing at my eggs.  
  
"Don't you dare feed him that" Scully scolded me.  
  
Feigning a pout, I said "Aw, alright"  
  
After breakfast, the three of us went into the living room. "I have to run some errands today. Shouldn't be more than a few hours. Can you watch William?"   
  
I wrapped my arms around Scully. "Sure, I've got nothing better to do then spend time with my son."   
  
Since I was out of a job, and Scully was home on maternity leave, we had all the time in the world. At the moment anyhow.   
  
Scully's eyebrows furrowed. "Or, if you want. You two can come with me"  
  
"Where are you going?" I asked.  
  
"Shopping for some underwear, to the beauty parlor, and to the store to pick up a few things" Scully explained.  
  
I made a face at William. "What do you think little guy? Do we want to go with mommy while she gets her unmentionables?"   
  
William blew spit bubbles at me and burped.   
  
"That would be a no, I think" I told her and laughed.  
  
Scully grinned. "I didn't figure"   
  
I stood and put William in his swing. "Us guys will just hang out here. Maybe watch the basketball game"   
  
Scully leaned over and kissed me. "Okay, I'll be back soon. I love you" she said, then headed for the kitchen to get her purse.  
  
  
Present Day...  
  
I blink back tears again. The memories have come rushing back. The last day we were together. The last words we spoke to each other. "I love you" the words echo in my ears. I hear William crying in the other room. I go in and pick him up. He misses her too. "Shh, William. Its okay" I say, trying to comfort him. Its difficult to comfort someone, when you yourself are hurting. But he is my son, and he needs me. I sit in the rocking chair and rock him. I miss her. I love her. And when I close my eyes. I feel her with me.  
  
  
Fox Mulder  
April 22, 2002  
3:22 AM  
  
  
  
  
**


End file.
